Three years ago, I was a dear friend's Canadian citizenship party.
Now, if you know me parties are not my favourite thing in the world - unless I know nearly everyone there. And even then I have a limited time period for being around a lot of people.
I was nearing the two hour mark I had set for myself. Getting myself ready to leave. I was in the corner making stilted conversation with some guy, sipping wine (ok, ok, it was more than sipping!), hoping it would help me relax, wondering what in the world was wrong with me? Why the hell did I never seem able to have fun at parties??? Why couldn't I make small talk?? Why did I always get so overwhelmed?? Why did I feel so invisible?
Just when the stilted conversation ground to a halt and I was looking for my friends to say my farewell. A curly haired woman wearing a white flowy bohemian blouse and gorgeous jewelry walked up to me, gave me a huge smile and praised my labradorite necklace (an heirloom from my Oma). Moments later (I don't even know how we got to this point) she was telling me all about myself - things I had always struggled to put to words. It was as if she'd reached down the center of heart and was telling me everything my soul wanted me to know.
I was so surprised! I couldn't believe what was happening!
I had just spent the last 3 years in an intensive counselling training program, which not only gave me all the skills I have today, it also pushed me to look at all of my own beliefs, fears, unexpressed emotions and how I show up in relationships. I was pretty sure I'd learned all there was to learn about myself.
LOL - even then I knew that wasn't true! But I had no idea what else was available for me!
This lovely woman informed me all about Human Design She informed me that I was a Projector (an aura type in Human Design) and told me exactly why I struggle at parties, hate small talk and why I felt overwhelmed.
I FELT SO SEEN!
MY ENTIRE LIFE FINALLY MADE SENSE
I never understood why I could never walk up to someone and just start talking. It's because as a Projector, my energy is designed to be recognized and invited in to a relationship. If I don't wait to be recognized then the relationship is always uncomfortable and leaves me feeling bitter and misunderstood.
I never understood why I was so exhausted and overwhelmed when I was surrounded by a lot of people.It's because my unique energy configuration amplifies the energies of others around me and I need to discharge that energy at the end of the day.
I never understood why I seemed to be the 'emotional one' when I was around people. I'm pretty comfortable and steady in my emotions when I'm by myself. It's because I have an open emotional center and so I amplify all the feelings of all the people around me! The feelings are not mine. I'm just picking up on what others are feeling.
I spent another couple of hours at the party chatting. I felt seen and recognized and oh so inspired.
I went home that evening with an invitation to connect with her to learn more and with the inspiration to do all the online research I possibly could.
That evening changed the course of my life.
My experiment with Human Design and my chart has led to deep compassion, permission and understanding to live exactly how my soul wants to live.
Human Design is a system that gave me the permission to be who I always knew myself to be. I just couldn't articulate it.
If life isn't working for you. If you feel stuck or misunderstood or just plain frustrated with life. Perhaps Human Design could support you?
My wish is that everyone on the planet feel comfortable to be exactly who they are.
I wish that for you too.